Formally Manic Theories I was talking about the joy of blending sound and feeling. This feeling exceeds all other sensory feelings: the new variable derived from adding sound and self-awareness. The sounds and the physical, together, blend into this incredible feeling. It is incredible. I give … [Read more...]

SOME RAYS OF SUNSHINE In May 2010, two years after Justin’s first manic attack, he completed his English Honors thesis and was awarded his BA degree. What he was going to do with it, if anything, remained an open issue. But he had earned it with a spectacular GPA, overcoming incredible hurdles. … [Read more...]

Memoir 44 I am thoroughly convinced that red demon himself binds desire and anti-humility to its everlasting anchor in hell 44. This kind of misery could only be created by an angry and violent Devil or by his good and loving nemesis, God,—hopefully there is a division between the violent and … [Read more...]

My mind has evolved into a condition that merits the creation of a new word: Unsanity. Unsanity occurs when a sane person goes insane then somehow has his mental facilities restored. Once the evolutionary process has taken place the individual will never be sane again, forever stuck in the … [Read more...]

One Year Past the Manic Collapse Today marks a year since the manic collapse of April 20th 2009. The winding gyre; a yeatsian concept that says, in sum, the world/god operates on a 2000 year cycle. The middle point is stable with the two ends being opposites. Christ 0 AD Anti-Christ 2000 AD, … [Read more...]

An Unhonorable Unthesis Concerning Virginia Woolf and Her Unfictional Autobiographical Relationship with Order and Chaos as Untold in To the Lighthouse, a Formally Formal Essay Drafted By Justin and Revised by Henry I: After Death the artist reincarnates through her art, becoming the art … [Read more...]

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This is what I'm left with: Henry, an unfictional identity to fill a void that will forever be.Things change. The mountains grow. The boy becomes a young man.Rocks. I hear a bird. She is singing a tune. There is another bird; they sing the same tune. Their tunes change: three tunes in all. … [Read more...]

Gun: The Chronicles of Mania I knew he had a gun. I could feel the gun, the hard square-like tipped force of composite geometrically digging into my skin, into my back making ripples--uncomfortable--I knew, I just knew he had the, my gun. The man. They wanted something from me. They wanted … [Read more...]

I've wanted to shoot a crow for sometime now. I don't know why I feel this need. Something inside me tells me to shoot the crows down. Is it possible the simple tunes I hear from the birds...or maybe the crows, do they mock me? Look at that wingless, fool there, let's crow? The crowing. The … [Read more...]

I cry so hard inside. The tears. All. this sadness raining inside. I feel the vibrations of each tear dripping, slamming into my lungs. To die drowning in self-pity. To die drowning in my own tears. I look fine. I seem fine. But I cry--invisibly yet so hurtfully apparent. I cannot eat. My stomache … [Read more...]

Order & Chaos A Sleeping Order & Chaos After a crazy night of hilarious board games and forged brotherhoods, I went to sleep and quickly woke after the correct palindrome switched on the clock. Sometimes I talk to people about what happens when I sleep, they usually interpret it as sarcastic … [Read more...]

Video 103.mp4 9/23/2010: In my continuous attempts to avoid or work around the writing block that prevents me from attacking what, in my mind, is the most important subject at the moment, I have moved on to analyzing and watching the videos I have been making over the past several months. I am going … [Read more...]

I lack the skills  necessary for fiction. It was never a matter of creativity. It was more the matter of accessibly communicating the details—the environment—outside the protagonist's and artist's thought. Novels require them, the lengthy annoying details. I am sort of, locked in here, … [Read more...]

A Referential & Contextual Guide Born, 1985 -- Not yet Bipolar, third son of Christine, universally ranked best mother; oldest brother died shortly after birth, second son, Andrew, three years older; several non-blood brothers.   H. S. Diploma, 2004 -- "Latin Lifer"; loner, … [Read more...]